For many men who approach the time in their life when they begin to notice the significant loss of hair on their head, it is almost certainly going to be a fairly daunting time of anxiety and Google searches for hair loss treatments. It’s very common for men to worry about hair loss and going bald – frankly almost as common as hair loss itself (which is in fact extremely common). But as is pointed out numerous times over and over at The Bald World, it should be a wholly unnecessary worry, and going bald is really nothing to be concerned about. Whilst that may come as quite a bold claim, I aim to back that up with my own personal account having been through it myself.
Now, society in the past and present has dictated that men with thick hair somehow show style and beauty. Especially in the modern world with hair styles contributing to a large part of the modern man’s look, having a good head of hair is definitely considered to be a positive attribute to looks. Our biological impulses still guide us towards finding a “mate” with good genetics in order to produce beautiful and strong offspring, and the attributes of a biologically dominant man do in fact include; being tall, having a symmetrical face, thick hair, a defined jawline, and a muscular appearance. Women for example are considered to be biologically ideal if they have good hips for childbearing, ample breasts (within reason of course), a symmetrical face and other beauty standards. However, these impulses do not control 100% of our brainpower and we evolved from having primal instincts an awfully long time ago. The modern world is one of incredible diversity and basic beauty standards are highly flexible. Modern society is heavily leaning towards general acceptance and just letting people be who they are and not pigeonholing everyone into defined categories. Emotional Intelligence has taken centre stage in both qualities of leadership and workplace conduct as well as relationship traits. Remember that style is very subjective and culturally different, and base standards of beauty are being broadened.
“But what does this have to do with being bald?”
Really the keyword here is subjectivity. Consider “beauty is in the eye of the beholder” or “it’s what’s inside that counts” or “bald men are considered to be more confident”. Wherever you look you may very well see phrases and quotes like this and to some degree they’re all true. But the point I want to emphasise is that the world is not a one-size-fits-all place, if that were true, every human being on the planet would probably have the same hair, same skin colour, and be the same height and weight. We are all different and that’s what makes us unique, interesting and beautiful. The way people perceive you is going to be largely down to you and your personal brand; how you act or how you choose to dress or project yourself to the world. So being bald is not an issue if you are comfortable with who you are, and you actually accept your identity and own the person inside. Despite living in the 2D era of screens, human beings are still highly complex creatures with depth and story to them - this is where your personality and personal brand have a strong effect on the way others perceive you. And this is what I learned.
When I was noticeably starting to lose my hair, early on it was not something that I was actually that self-conscious about, it was just more of a nuisance than anything. My crown thinned out dramatically over the space of about 3 years until it was very noticeable and it made my hair look messy and uneven. But even knowing this and being able to see it, it took me a while to take that step to shave it all off. Why? Perception. My main train of thought was not about how I would look as a bald man to myself, it was how other people would perceive me. This concern about what other people will think of you is not just a trait that relates to baldness, it’s an incredibly prevalent human condition – we want to be liked and loved. Human needs are numerous and we all have different needs that we prioritise differently depending on our outlook on life, our goals, and our personality. But at the end of the day, we are social creatures and acceptance by others plays a large part in building our own confidence. By making such a change to your appearance you are changing how other people might perceive you, and that in itself in a daunting concept. But is that always a bad thing? Absolutely not.
After shaving my own head, I mentally divided the rest of the world into two categories:
1. People who I already knew
2. People who I would meet from this point onwards
The way you contemplate these two categories may differ from how I do, but I actually had more concern over those in the first category. These were people who knew me with hair, who already had a solidified view of who I was and what I looked like. This is the familiar and comfortable place in your life where you don’t have anxiety about judgement because you already know these people, whether it’s family, friends, colleagues or whoever else. By shaving your head you break that familiarity and almost adopt a different identity in the eyes of those who already know you. And that’s potentially the cause for concern, or at least it was in my eyes. I didn’t want to be looked at differently or for people I knew to change their opinion of me because I was now a bald man.
What I soon learnt is that these feelings of concern are completely pointless and no reason to be concerned at all. The fact is that yes, you are going to look different and people are going to react to it – you can’t tell people not to react. Women change their hair colour and style all the time and people react to it, it’s natural. But a reaction is not a condemnation and just because you look different, people aren’t automatically going to look at you in a lesser way.
What I actually found was my friends, colleagues and family were all very supportive and complimentary of my choice to shave my head. I honestly believe that people who are close to you are not going to berate your decision to take back control of how you look by saying "enough is enough" to thinning hair and shaving it all off – because it’s a powerful and confident move. Unless you have very judgemental and shallow friends, it’s unlikely that you’re going to be met with much negativity, and even if some people you know do react badly, I can assure you it’s going to be the minority. And over time, everyone you know is going to get used to how you look. And I don’t really even mean a long time because people are on the whole very adaptable and forward moving so it won’t take long before everyone forgets the version of you with hair and just accepts you as the person that you are now. Yes, you may get the occasional comment about it during the initial period where people are still getting used to it (for me this was mostly from my mum) but again, that’s going to be the minority. Very quickly your new look and identity will take over and you will live the rest of your life, and that’s likely to be more of your life than you spent with hair I might add, as a bald man. I shaved my head at the age of 33, so if I live until I’m 80, that’s much more than half of my life spent as a bald guy – and I’m absolutely fine with that. It’s a timeless look and I never have to worry about my hair ever again, which is actually a pretty freeing concept!
The second category of people are those who you are yet to meet or have only met since becoming bald. For some this will be cause for concern, especially if you’re single and currently on the dating scene or you work in a job where you’re regularly on display or advertising yourself, and your recent decision to become bald has affected your confidence slightly. Well, I have even better news for you: the vast majority of people really don’t care that you’re bald. Take a brief look around and you will see that bald men are not rare and they’re certainly not weird, bald men are an incredibly common sight because being bald is a very, very common thing. Almost 50% of men experience some form of hair loss by the time they’re in their 40s so you’re not exactly an anomaly.
What this means is that people who’ve never met you before just meet you and react the same way they would if you had hair. It’s as simple as that. Picture this; a blonde woman decides to dye her hair black, which is a fairly drastic change in look and will likely contrast her skin tone and make her appear very different overall. She then goes for a job interview and starts a new job, all of her new colleagues not thinking anything of it and just going “oh yes, Allison in marketing with the black hair”. And that's the end of the story. People who have never met you before will not often look at you and think “I wonder what he looks like with hair, I wonder when he first shaved his head…” Instead they’re just going to look at you and see a man, who happens to be bald. That is who you are, to them you are not an altered version of your true self, you are just this person.
I shaved my head during the COVID-19 pandemic when England was in full lockdown, so at the time I was working only online and all my meetings were happening over Zoom and Teams and the like. The very next day after I did it, I had a meeting with one of my colleagues and a potential new business partner – a perfect split of the two categories I’ve been describing. My colleague was surprised but not negative in any way whatsoever, actually very complimentary. And the person I had never met before didn't react at all, because to her, I had always been like this.
As the months went by and I met more and more people, lockdown restrictions were lifted and I got back onto the dating and social scene and I rejoined the normal world as a bald man. Not one person I met reacted negatively to the fact that I was bald because to them it was a perfectly normal thing. And I even showed some people pictures from a few years previously when I still had hair, and surprisingly their reaction was “You look weird with hair, I much prefer you bald”. I encourage you to let that statement sink in. People you have never met before will automatically build their familiarity of you as a bald man, that’s who you are, that’s what you look like, it’s not weird, it’s not different, it’s absolutely and 100% normal.
The fact is that once you shave your head, there is likely to be no, or only a tiny portion of people already in your life or new to your life, that look at you uncomfortably. Your new normal will rapidly become just that, normal. And why not take that opportunity to boost your overall look at the same time? Buy some new clothes, add some stylish accessories, start working out, grow your beard out… whatever it is. Don’t shy away from it, embrace it, and I guarantee that people will notice and not in a bad way.
How did it actually affect my life?
I would be lying to you if I said there weren't a few things that took some getting used to and that maybe weren't perfect, but honestly they were significantly outweighed by the positives or the "neutrals" (as in made no difference).
Firstly, it does take some getting used to and you are going to have to learn to live with it. Making such a significant change to your physical appearance is not going to just float by, you will have to look at yourself and learn to accept the new version of yourself. It can be somewhat difficult to visualise the fact that this is now the permanent version of yourself. When I first did it, it almost seemed temporary like I was trying it out and it wasn't a "for the rest of my life" decision. I do partially blame that on the COVID induced lockdowns and the fact we were living in a wholly abnormal period in time, and being imprisoned in my home didn't feel like I was living real life.
Secondly, whilst this is not something every recently or about-to-be bald man wants to hear it is something that is a fact of life: not everyone will find it attractive. This will affect the single men more, and as a single man who went bald, I have to say I did notice a slight shift in interest from women. That's not to say I was suddenly without a dating life, what you do have to accept is that not all women (and men) will find you attractive bald, and that's just personal preference. Too much time in life is spent on worrying ourselves with things that our out of our control - some people not finding bald men attractive is not something you should concern yourself with. What you should concern yourself with is striving to be the best version of yourself, to achieve, to be positive, to be a success by your own measurement. If you're career or business focused, work harder on that. If you're family focused, keep striving to be the best husband and father you can be. If you're health focused, set yourself goals and achieve them, get in shape, run a 10K. Read more books, watch less junk TV. Being bald is not stopping you from doing any of those things so don't make it an excuse.
Lastly, it's a relief. The weight that is lifted from your shoulders once the decision is made is actually very powerful. The time spent worrying and researching and trying to hide and reverse hair loss all goes away in an instant. With all this time back you can spend it focusing on some of the things I previously mentioned. My time spent showering and getting ready in the morning got quicker. Taking my motorbike helmet on and off became no concern whatsoever, as it did with hats. A number of things certainly became easier and less of a worry and once you get used to being bald, you actually start to enjoy the feeling of confidence that goes with it, because the acceptance of it gives you that control over yourself.
So what did I learn in the year after I shaved my head for the first time?
It makes absolutely no difference to you in a negative way
99% of people don't actually concern themselves with whether you have hair or not
People get used to it very quickly
It can actually be opportunity for you to better yourself in other ways
It feels good both mentally and physically
Let me give you a closing example. I’m a big fan of stand-up comedy and I am a big fan of the American comedian, Bill Burr; a red headed Bostonian who made the choice a few years ago to shave his head and adopt the bald man look. Now when he first did it, it looked different to me as I was used to him having hair. But it wasn’t long before I just got used to it, and now when I watch older clips of him from when he had hair, it looks oddly strange to me.
Now that’s just one personal example but I’m sure there are many. A lot of men actually do look much better bald than they did with hair and it really suits them – and I’ve even been told this myself. So to give you a parting message or conclusion to this personal journey, I encourage you not to shy away from baldness, and instead to accept it and to own it, take back control and adopt your new identity with both pride and confidence. Use it as an opportunity for improvement, not for self-doubt. I guarantee that in the long term you will feel better for doing it and I can assure you it won't affect your life as much as you may think, and even if it does it can be in a positive way.
Comments